It is Well with My Soul (Day 51)

I feel so at peace with myself tonight.  That's such a new feeling for me. 

For so many years, there would always be an ever-present feeling of guilt in my soul. I knew if I continued to travel down the path of least resistance I would eventually kill myself. Maybe not tomorrow, or even next week, or next year. But I was definitely shortening the number of years of life that I would enjoy, and I was doing it to myself. It wasn't being done to me. It wasn't an unavoidable disease that invaded my body uninvited. I was being a fully invested participant in my own demise.

But that was then, and this is now.

For 51 days now, I've been living guilt-free. I've been experiencing an overwhelming sense of motivation and resolve.  And even though I could be doing better with exercise, which tends to be more difficult for me, I don't feel guilty about it. I understand that it's a process, and that it will come.

I'm actually so overwhelmed by these thoughts tonight that the tears are flowing. For the first time in nearly 2 decades, I am giving myself every possible chance to watch my grandchildren grow up to be beautiful and honorable adults, maybe even with children of their own.

Now I could get hit by a truck tomorrow, or an unspeakable diagnosis could be in my future somewhere down the line. But being overweight and sedentary will not shorten my life.  I will not be contributing to my own death. That's such an incredibly comforting thing to finally believe with all my heart.

Whoa!  I have no idea where that came from. I'm actually tempted to use the backspace key and start again and tell you about my food choices and my minutes on the bike.  (They were both good, by the way.) :-)

But this is what dumped out of my brain, so it is what it is.

Before I go, have I told you all how much I appreciate you? Family and friends, old and new?  Your support and encouragement have been priceless and I am beyond grateful.

God bless...