Reflecting on Day 138...

Boy, I've been falling into some bad habits with my blog.  I started out very committed to posting everyday, and I've definitely been letting that slide.  Crazy schedule aside, I'm going to get back on track. I believe this act of daily discipline has been one of the keys to any success that I've experienced and I don't want to start going backwards!

I'm hoping that when I weigh-in on Thursday that I'll be over this slow down that I seem to be experiencing as of late.  I haven't really changed anything in my routine.  I've been right in the 1,200 calorie range every day, while drinking anywhere from 64 to 100+ ounces of water daily, in addition to the occasional diet coke and coffee.  And while I haven't been as disciplined with my exercise as I'd like, I've done a good amount of walking every day, and I jump on the bike at least 3 or 4 times a week.

I did a little reading and repeatedly came across the suggestion that increasing calories could give a jump-start to the metabolism.  I thought it was worth a try, so this past Friday and Sunday I had between 1,500 and 1,600 calories.  I didn't eat junk at all...just a few extra ounces of this and that...an extra piece of mozzarella...a bit of popcorn. The other days this week have been between 900 and 1,200 calories.  I'll also try to up the exercise and we'll see what happens on Thursday.  I'm so close to 60 lbs. lost that I would really like to make that! So here's hoping for a 2 lb. loss!

I've had a couple of interesting experiences lately.  First, last Wednesday I stopped by Office Max to pick up some cards that we had cut to hand out at church.  The copy center dude put the large box in my cart and I wheeled it out to my car. It was the size box that holds 10 reams of copy paper...it was full and rather heavy, though I could handle it with no problem.

When I got to my car I was fumbling around for my keys when this gentleman stopped and asked if he could put the box in the trunk for me.  He was a good looking guy...probably in his late 40s or early 50s. I'm a total sucker for chivalry...definitely not a feminist in that regard.  Bill always unlocks and opens the car door for me and I love it!

So I thanked him and said that I would appreciate his help.  He responded by saying, "I'm happy to help a pretty lady out on this day before Thanksgiving."  Taken somewhat aback, I thanked him again and drove away with tears in my eyes. I was experiencing all kinds of emotions. Part of me felt really good, but part of me was very sad and almost angry. Sad and angry because just five months ago, I can't help but think he wouldn't have stopped...he wouldn't have helped...he certainly wouldn't have referred to me as a "pretty lady." Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't think so. I think I felt sad and angry for the old me. I'm still the same person. The outside might be different, but the inside is still me. I have to admit I'm still working this whole experience out in my head.

Then another interesting thing happened on Thanksgiving. Now to set this up, I need to point out that so many people in my life notice what's going on with me and make positive comments.  With nearly 60 lbs. gone, there is a very noticeable difference.  Well, I haven't seen my in-laws (Bill folks and his brother's family) since I started this journey. And I must admit that I was really surprised when they didn't say one word. Not a word.  I've really been struggling with this because I remember when Bill and I sat down in his parents living room nine years ago and told them that we were separating, one of the things his mom asked him was if it had to do with how overweight I was. Nevermind that it was me who was seeking the separation. In her mind it had to be because of the way I looked.  I thought that comment was dead and buried, yet here it was, resurfacing and stinging like it was yesterday.  Overall, I have always had a really good relationship with his parents, and I know they love me. I don't know what to make of their lack of encouragement.  I think I just need to let it go and move on. 

It's a good reminder that this is all about getting healthy and becoming the best me I can be.  I can't let this other stuff have an impact on me, other than to reflect on it and learn what I can about myself.

Well, hope it's been a good day in blogland. I'll definitely be back tomorrow!

Good night and God bless...