Before I even realized it was happening, my innermost thoughts have changed. I no longer think about my weight loss in terms of "if." As in, "I'll be able to lose this weight if..." If I can resist temptations. If I can be strong through the holidays. If the people in my life will stop sabotaging me. If my job were less stressful. If I could just get more rest and have more energy. If, if, if.
I no longer have any doubts that I'll be able to do this thing. Now it's just a matter of when...how long will it take? My best guess is by next year for sure...probably just in time for summer.
But then there's the critical question. You know the one. Will I be able to maintain the loss? I've been thinking more and more about that lately. And for this question, I haven't quite been able to banish all the doubts just yet.
I haven't been living under a rock...I know what the statistics say. They're pretty bad. A large majority of people who lose a large amount of weight gain it all back, and then some.
I can't for the life of me understand how that can be true. I don't have a track record of losing and gaining weight. My journey has been more along the lines of up, up, up. So the idea that I could actually lose weight the way I have, and feel the way I do, and then throw it all away by gaining it back is completely foreign to me. There is absolutely no way on planet earth that it could happen. It's completely impossible.
But then I know it's not impossible. Apparently it happens all the time.
It's not going to happen to me, though. It's not. And yet, I guess I won't be able to say that with certainty until I get there and prove it.
It's not with blind faith that I say it won't happen to me, though. Faith, yes. But not blind faith. I think I can back up my premise. The reason I won't gain the weight back is because of what I learned from Sean Anderson early on. That the change that needs to happen for this metamorphosis to be complete and life-long is the change that happens between my ears. It's not about getting control of food until I reach my goal. It's about having a brand new, loving relationship with food...not just for a season, but for the rest of my life.
So God, I do believe. Please help me with my unbelief.
It's been a great day today...hope yours was, too. ;-)
Great post, as usual.
ReplyDeleteThere are days when I still struggle with the if. There are more days that I still struggle with the food. But it is getting easier. I hope someday, I can say, with confidence, what you typed tonight.
As always...you are an inspiration!
I'm not there yet Karyn, but getting closer. Like you, I have the experience of up, up and up. I have lost close to 25 lbs a few times only to gain it back. I would like this time to be different. I think it will, but not yet confident.
ReplyDeleteYou're right that we can't know for sure, but I believe you when you say you won't gain the weight back. I believe because what I have read about how much you have learned and now understand about your relationship with food. I believe you have life long success. Go Karyn!
I think you nailed the first plan for maintenance, you thought ahead about it and ask God for help. I too have been thinking about maintenance here lately. in fact it was my main focus for my lunch walk yesterday. In the past, I was that statistic you mention. Lost weight, was happy with all the lost weight, took the leash off and bam, right back to my old weight plus. So this time, I realize, I was only planning half way before. I was all about losing, not one bit of energy went into the idea of maintenance. So now, I have began to toy with my maintenance plan already. I don't have one solidly in place, but I think I have time for that as I have at least 37 more pounds to go and possibly more like 57 pounds if I get to first goal and am not happy. But it all falls back to planning once again. I am planning for maintenance, even if I haven't got that plan yet.
ReplyDeleteRight - sometimes it's more about UNdoing a current (negative) belief than just adopting a new one. Small but subtle difference!
ReplyDeleteas your eldest daughter, i've known you quite a long time. and i love you forever. i think i can speak for all of your kids when i say that we've never been more proud of you. you've always put everything/everyone else ahead of yourself. and we've all benefitted from that immeasurably. but it makes us so joyful to see you finally taking care of one of the things that we love most in this world...YOU!!
ReplyDeletei love you, mom!
I went to click the "like" button on Sabrina's post but then I remembered there is no like button on here :(
ReplyDeleteOh well, I like it anyway and now ya know!! ;)
Karyn,
ReplyDeleteI have no doubt that you will reach your goal and be able to maintain the proper weight you set for yourself. Why, you ask? I think it has to do with the discipline your possess. It's been there since the beginning and only has gotten stronger as the weeks have passed. You're doing awesome, Karyn ... much to be proud of.
~Sheilah